Perry L. Gardner: Private Journal #29
Friday, July 20, 1990
It has been a while since I visited this journal. How to use it is a question. A daily recording of events, or a chance to record what I am thinking about?
Well, where are we? Bonnie is hurting and feeling low, and I don’t know what to do. She says, “Talk to me”, and I don’t know what to say. The heat is bad, and I work early and late, and try to stay cool in between. We started watering the garden regularly, and it is in good shape—quite a few tomatoes are green. Started harvesting onions and got a cutting of broccoli.
We have been trimming shrubs and have turned over the whole compost pile. Will continue to tidy up the place. The next big project will be clearing a spot for the new storage barn coming next month. A hole in the bedroom roof has been well patched, but the overall roof renewal has yet to be addressed. It is not too early to weatherize the house. Usually I wait till fall, and then it is too late, and we leak heat through another winter.
I am feeling well, with some energy to get things done. I do get tired from time to time, and a good nap helps. Can’t seem to get by at night without the sleeping pill, Lorazepam 2 MG. It seems to be needed to get a good night’s rest, but seems to keep me sleepy in AM if I take the pill too late in the evening. The hot flashes get me sweating in this hot weather, but it passes. I hope the cancer is shrinking as the Docter indicated it should, but I still get depressed over it from time to time. When that happens, I despair over all the things I should get done but don’t feel I can accomplish. But I did get the boat ready for the water, and that was almost a 2-week push. The barn is the next project, and then we’ll see how the weatherizing goes.
The budget is so tight, I can’t just hire someone to do the roof. We’ve been tapping savings every year, and there isn’t much left. It seems as though every time it looks like it’s under control, something comes up that needs money, like dentist, or operation, or automobile repair, or boat maintenance. It is helping when Bonnie spends some of her own money, and her Social Security helps cover her investment income, which she banks. Bill paying is one thing that is under control, but the desk is a mess, and the medical bills to Travelers are still not under control.
The general messiness around here is a major problem—things to read—decisions on where to donate, and what to order, and where to file seems to be overwhelming. From time to time, I make attempts at getting organized, but it never gets there, and then everything goes on hold—if I could get cleaned up, then I would feel more like doing things, like building models or going on a cruise.